I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
