Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
