Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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