Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
