just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
