The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
