how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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