You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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