Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
