It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
