I looked at my own cervix.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
