I think my vagina is haunted
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
