I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
