He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
