Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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