Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
