Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
