I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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