What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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