Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
