I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
