She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
