porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
