WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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