i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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