i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You ruined the universe
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