We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
