i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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