yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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