and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
