when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
is it fun? or sober?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
