Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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