I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
