this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
