there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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