went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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