After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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