Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
