If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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