Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
