The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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