If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
