I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
