Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
