He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
