There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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