Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Small penises have feelings too.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
