four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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