He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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