I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
